For example, start with phrases indicating you’re sharing an opinion, not asserting a fact: “In my opinion…”, or “I’m beginning to wonder whether…” (rather than, “The fact is…” or “It’s obvious to me that…”). Speaking tentatively means telling your story as a story, not presenting it as an incontrovertible fact. You’ll get people to listen if you describe both your facts and stories in a tentative, non-dogmatic way. Let’s say the Goldilocks test told you to soften your message.
GOLDILOCKS JUST RIGHT HOW TO
Once you use the Goldilocks test to determine the state of your conversation, your next steps are to figure out how to change your approach, and what might help. Instead, say: “I’m starting to feel like you don’t trust me. For example, if someone insists on telling you how to do something, don’t say: “I’m not stupid, you know.” (too hard) or “I know I’m a klutz, but…” (too soft). Your presentation should be neither too hard nor too soft, but just right. You can use it at any time to test how you’re approaching a conversation, and how the other person is perceiving you. What is the Goldilocks test? You may have heard of it applied to other things, but the Goldilocks test works for crucial conversations, too. Keep reading for tips on adjusting your communication approach, and examples of how to use the Goldilocks test. The Goldilocks test is just what it sounds like-like the story, your method of communication shouldn’t be too hard, or too soft. What is the Goldilocks test? What does it have to do with crucial conversations? Like this article? Sign up for a free trial here. Shortform has the world's best summaries of books you should be reading. This article is an excerpt from the Shortform summary of "Crucial Conversations" by Kerry Patterson.
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